In January, I was *this close* to investing in a coach.
Last month, I was desperate for a pair of new trainers.
Yesterday I splashed out on a new book from Waterstones.¹
I’m going to Nottingham city centre tomorrow with my husband, and I’m sure I’ll see something I want there too.
In other words, the role of consumer fits me as perfectly as the jumpsuit I wanted to buy last week.
But you know what, until recently… I would have scoffed in your face if you called me a consumer.
I am a business owner, a thought leader, I am a CREATOR, can’t you see?
But Palestine changed me.
(If that last sentence made you uncomfortable, stick with me here as I was in your position too! And you probably need to hear this next bit more than most…)
Witnessing the mainstream apathy towards a genocide that is so at odds with the sense of horror I experienced sent me into a spiral of confusion.
Reflecting on how I felt at the time, I wrote this:
“[By educating myself about what’s happening in Gaza] there’s a chance I won’t be able to just carry on showing up online as normal, centering the growth of my business & popularity of my personal brand as the most important thing.”
Well yeah, it’s happened.
Take the shoes I was so desperate for last month…
When the “New Arrivals” email landed in my inbox from the brand in question, I immediately texted my husband:
“OMG have you seen the new Allbirds! I want them sooo bad!!!”
As the promo emails continued to arrive, my desire grew in tandem with the frustration that I didn’t have the cash to buy them.
I started to feel like a failure in my business, a strong narrative of ‘not doing enough’ emerging in my Morning Pages.
And then came the strategising, unconsciously rooted in trying to answer this question:
How can I get money from other people, so I can use their money to buy stuff for myself?
and taking it one step further…
How I can manufacture desire² in other people to satiate this uncomfortable desire that’s been manufactured in me?
Before I got that New Arrivals email - a new pair of shoes wasn’t on my radar.
I was more than content with the ones I owned, more than content with my income, more than content with marketing my services from a place of relaxed & fair exchange.
After the email however, my shoes weren’t good enough, my income a sign of failure and my marketing approach in danger of being fuelled by the extraction of money from others as quickly as possible.
Thankfully, Palestine changed me.
It made me see the true extent of just how many businesses & individuals place protecting profit above protecting people… myself included.
And so anytime my desire to make MORE money emerges, or to invest in something significant, like a coach, it’s given me just enough awareness to truly question why I want to do that.
Is my desire genuine, or has it been manufactured?
For me, this is an example of everyday activism.
An example of how much power we actually have in deconstructing unhealthy systems of greed when we become aware of our role in it.
It’s also key to finding more peace, joy & satisfaction in life… something we all want more of, no?
¹ The book I bought from Waterstones was Capitalist Realism by Mark Fisher. I’ve recently become an avid reader of Tara McMullin on Substack and found the recommendation through her! No doubt I’ll share my own reflections soon.
² Manufacturing Desire: You realise that’s what most marketing advice & education is rooted in, right? Learning to manufacture desire in others so you can sell them things they didn’t necessarily need before you told them they did… eesh, a tangent for another day! But yes, this is why marketing gives you the ick.
Reflection Question: That thing that you really want at the moment? The thing that you’re thinking about investing in… why do you want it? Is the desire genuine, or manufactured?
Pocket this question next time you feel that rush of wanting and see what arises.
