I am incredibly self-conscious about my nose hair.
When I'm editing my YouTube videos or posting Reels, those pale blonde hairs that glisten in the light are the only thing I can see.
I find myself so distracted by them, panicking every time I hit publish that the trolls that inhabit the darker corners of the internet will smell my fear and tear me down.
And yet, when I watch other people's videos... despite my own obsession with unwanted facial hair I often barely register whether they're a little fuzzy too.
In psychology, this tendency to amplify our own flaws is referred to as The Spotlight Effect.
It's that feeling when you are so self-conscious about something that you're convinced others will notice, and yet... they rarely do.
As Aditi Subramaniam, Ph.D. writes in Psychology Today:
"The spotlight effect is a manifestation of the egocentric bias, or our tendency to view things from our own perspective."
And as I once again find myself navigating a self-proclaimed business 'pivot' I need to remind myself of this phenomenon.
What I've come to learn in the past 6 years of doing business is that those changes which feel seismic to us, often register as a little ripple to outsiders.
I'm convinced that if I spoke to those in my community who have been with me for those 6 years, they would struggle to identify the points where I supposedly 'pivoted' previously.
Sure, they could probably point to the different offers I've brought to life but from conversations I know these have always felt like natural evolutions & extensions of the work I do.
The reason I'm sharing this is both as a reassurance to myself, and to you too.
In a niche-obsessed online environment, changing what you talk about feels like social-media suicide.
I think it's why so many of us sit in resistance for so long, even when we know our content is starting to feel flat and irrelevant. When someone buying that offer we created over a year ago elicits a sinking feeling, knowing we now have to deliver it. I found myself in this very situation not too long ago & took the bold move to remove the vast majority of offers from my website. 1
(I also removed 76% of people from my email list!)
When your body & soul are craving a clean slate, I believe you should listen to it.
I'm not saying you should immediately burn everything down but there are usually messages wrapped up in there that are important for your next phase of growth. With enough careful introspection, you might even find that your current resistance in business is actually a symptom of creative starvation. For me, I'm entering a phase of a 'controlled burn' and re-orientation of my business.
I'm writing this (and maybe future posts too) to document how I'm managing this next pivot to help others navigate the overwhelm that comes with change.
You see, I have a tendency to DREAM BIG and often the size of the mountain ahead of me has me quitting before I've even begun. I can see the business I want to have, I can envision 100s of posts I can write around the particular topic I am excited to dive into and the sheer volume of work ahead makes me a little uneasy. In fact, despite having 100s of ideas, I find myself unable to follow up on even just one of them. (Have you ever felt this too? So much to say but incapable of actually saying it? Let my know in the comments!)
Here's 3 practical things I am doing to manage my overwhelm right now:
- Extending the "deadline"
- Brain-dumping all tasks into my Business Notion Planner
- Giving myself a practise ground so I can stumble my way forward
1. Extending the deadline
Let's be clear, when I imagine all of the changes I want to make, the first deadline my brain sets is "as soon as possible" - the gateway drug to working hard to prove how capable I am. Luckily, age & experience has granted me enough wisdom to know that road only leads to burnout. (Been there, done that, no thanks.) So instead I am setting myself a long-ass deadline for this change to take place, 4 months to be precise! 2
2. Brain-dumping all tasks into my Notion Business Planner3
This means instead of needing to keep all the actions & tasks I currently associate with this pivot in my head, it's stored somewhere else. It also means I can schedule these tasks in my diary and on days where I feel like it, "shop my to-do list" for what feels most alive in the moment.
3. Giving myself a practise ground so I can stumble my way forward
Guess what, you're reading it right now. When I imagine this "new future" for myself it includes lots of beautifully written articles but I found myself so paralysed by perfectionism, that I knew I needed a 'runway' to get started. I needed a way that I could "practise my way" into becoming the kind of writer I want to be. So I did what I always do in these scenarios: I write from where I am right now. The emotions I'm feeling, the struggles I'm grappling with... write from that place.
"And that is how change happens. One gesture. One person. One moment at a time"
Libby Bray
If you find yourself craving change, but not knowing how to navigate it remember you have time to figure it out.
And if you feel like you don't have time, I recommend you find a way to make it. It's why although the freelance content creation work I do doesn't scratch my "life purpose" itch by any means, I treasure it because it's buying me the time to go slowly. Because if there's one thing I know, pressure to make things happen quickly is usually that thing that causes sweet things to turn sour.
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Footnotes
1 While removing all my offers from my website (bar one) is a bold move in its appearance, I also want to acknowledge that I have a decent level of financial security at the moment due to the freelance content creation work I do. Without that, I'm not sure I would have had the same courage!
2 I decided upon a 4 month deadline because that will take me to September, historically one of the busier buying times for my B2B services. Also, when considering how long to give myself I picked the duration that gave me the biggest sensation of ease whilst still feeling exciting.
3 FUN FACT: I am going to be selling my Notion Business Planner template as part of this pivot! If you feel like your notes & to-do lists are all over the place and it's not uncommon for you to wake up in the middle of the night feeling like you've forgotten something... you're gonna LOVE IT. Watch this space.
