***The seed of this article started on Saturday morning. Today is Monday & it has taken me most of the day to write, all through which I felt confident in sharing it. Now it’s written, I have spent the last 15 minutes quite literally with my head in my hands, questioning whether I should or not. I feel sick with fear, because it feels like there’s no turning back after I hit send. But despite my racing heartbeat & the pounding of an impending headache in my temples, there is also the part of me that you’re more familiar with: the part that continuously roots for courageous messy action. The fact this email is now in your inbox & published on Substack tells you who won the battle.***
“If you’re seeking some form of spiritual enlightenment, there is nothing more important than learning to assume the role of the loving witness.”
If I could distil the years of my spiritual practice into a sentence, that right there is it.
They are my own words, pieced together from a hundred different teachers who underneath the different phrasing, compelling book titles & trademarks are ultimately all saying the same thing:
True Peace is not found through the avoidance of difficulty, it’s through the loving embrace & deep acceptance of it–experiencing all thoughts, emotions & situations that cause them with a compassionate detachment, transcending the ego’s desire to make everything mean something about who you are & your inherent worthiness.
I have personally found great peace in these teachings, and this skill of “observation without attachment” is something I try my hardest to live by & pass on to others.
And yet… I have wilfully chosen to ignore what’s taking place in Gaza these past few weeks.
I’ve quickly skipped over Instagram stories that share images or commentary on it.
I’ve scrolled quickly past the posts that disdain others who aren’t speaking out.
And up until this past Saturday morning, I’ve repeatedly ignored the small voice within that calls me a hypocrite every time I do.
I could give you excuses why I’ve been so committed to ignorance, but honestly? I don’t think they’re anything you haven’t heard (or potentially thought) before.
“I don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with it.”
“What difference would my voice even make?”
”I don’t know enough to speak out on this issue.”
And the truest, most uncomfortable one of all:
“If I do educate myself, there’s a chance I won’t be able to just carry on showing up online as normal, centering the growth of my business & popularity of my personal brand as the most important thing. More important than speaking out over the eradication of an entire people”
But as someone who proclaims to hold values of integrity & freedom, as someone who would describe herself as passionate about justice, fairness & treating every human as equal… the disconnect between the person I assume myself to be & my intentionally cultivated ignorance has only grown more and more obvious the longer I continue to look away.
Ultimately, my refusal to witness what’s happening in Gaza has made me confront the potential ugliness that’s laced within my quest for spiritual enlightenment–is the peace I seek only for myself?
I can sit here and say I want all beings to experience happiness and joy, I can express platitudes of “loving all humans equally” but when it comes time to demonstrate those things? So far, I’ve fallen short.
I don’t believe this post here is enough, but in complete honesty, at this moment, I have no idea what is.
I don’t know what difference my voice will make. I don’t have tonnes of money to give. I don’t know whether I should be writing letters to government representatives & whether that’s the best use of my time and energy.
I also stand by the assertion that I am 100% not the person who should be educating anyone on the political histories or implications of a situation that I’ve only really started to understand about 2 days ago.
But I know at the most basic level, there is one thing I can do, I can practise what I preach:
I can have the courage to not look away.
Because I know on a personal level, that which we choose to ignore will continue to repeat in greater magnitudes until we dare to confront and learn from it.
And so I wonder, how many more atrocities have to play out across the planet until collectively, we face the darkness of humanity? Because until we face something, we remain powerless to do anything about it.
I also wonder when will enough people have the courage to stop arguing about the political narrative and admit without defence or caveats that the eradication of an entire people is wrong? How many people have to die, for the silent majority to speak up?
These are big questions, and it’s easy to slip into philosophical debate when we’re not the ones being bombed. It’s much harder however, to examine our personal complicity in creating a society and world where those we elect as leaders & decision-makers allow it to happen.
While I still believe it’s important to work on yourself and to prioritise your emotional, mental & spiritual well-being, there must also come a point where that deep well of presence & compassion you’re cultivating is used to help those who don’t have the same privilege as you.
Otherwise, quite frankly–what’s the fucking point?
Please know, that this article is not here to shame anyone who has also so far chosen a path of ignorance in the name of self-protection.
It’s completely non-personal. For better or worse, I’m not trying to call anyone out or call anyone in. I only know myself, and that I can’t not say something any longer.
If I want to be the type of person I believe myself to be, then I must refuse to let the reason I’ve learned how to use my voice to connect with others only be about my financial gain.
I must refuse to let the wisdom & perspective I’ve cultivated through my spiritual practice only serve the purpose of allowing me to sleep peacefully at night whilst others suffer.
For me, self-improvement has to be about more than the self.
I can’t promise you I will continue to be this vocal about the genocide in Gaza. I’m sharing this without agenda or strategy, but in pure response to what I’m witnessing in this present moment.
My only promise is to myself, that I will continue to cultivate the courage to witness, to respond authentically in the moment, knowing that with everything I share, maybe there’s someone out there who needs to hear it too, even if that person is me.
If you are triggered by this, then with love and compassion, that’s for you to deal with.
Mute me. Block me. Unsubscribe. That’s ok and again, it’s none of my business what you do. I hold no judgement. None of this is really about us.
If you’re choosing to stay present with me & this discomfort, then know you’re not alone & that my heart is tender AF right now, not to mention the dissonance on my Social Feeds.
Finally, if you want to learn more about the situation that’s happening in Gaza, I’ve linked some articles by I found helpful below but I am not your educator, nor the person to verify the legitimacy of information or viewpoints.
Historical context for what’s happening in Gaza:
An insight into why there are such conflicting views:
